Well, no. Sort of. I mean YES, it is time to toss the cropped tops and possibly the shoes, and we should all pay attention to how we dress, but no, it doesn't mean we're "old". That's what has surprised me the most about approaching *gasp* middle age (in case I live to be 100). I don't feel any different. I have my health, which I'm more and more grateful for every day. I have a body that, although I've fought it to lose weight for a decade and a half, has served me well and given me no complaints along the way (other than whyyyy can't I lose 35 pounds?). Even though my teenaged self thought of 40 (or at least 45) as "like, TOTALLY OLD", I don't feel that way now at all. I have loved my 40s. They've been probably my favorite decade so far, and I'm feeling like our 50s will be the best decade yet. I can't believe I even just said that...
During our 30s and even early 40s, we were buried (and I mean buried) in debt. We were raising kids, paying for private school, getting all of our business equipment paid for, trying to manage keeping our financial head above water from one month to the next and wondering DOES THIS EVER END OR ARE WE JUST ON A TREADMILL TIL WE DIE? Turns out, it does end--or it will. The kids are raised; one is married, the other is engaged. We're empty nesting, and we freaking love it. We put in the hard time with our business, and we finally have room to breathe and to travel (more on that later, but omg YES). Our bills are all paid on the due date for a change, and there are actually gaps where we can just chill and not worry about how to pay All The Things. We even go out to dinner now and then, even though it comes with the accompanying annoyances, or maybe I'm just super intolerant. Probably that. I'm definitely super intolerant...#sorrynotsorry
The other huge thing that has sort of suddenly changed for me personally in the last six months is that I've decided to see what my real hair color is. My family goes grey early, and I think I found my first greys late in my teens to early 20s. I started dyeing my hair to keep my brown fresh when I was about 26, and I never stopped. Of course over the years, the grow-out when I go too long (3 weeks, then 2 weeks, ugh) would look like OMG MY HAIR IS WHITE. I can't. I was sure I'd dye it until I was 90. I never wanted to be out to dinner with Shane and have someone tell him "Aw, that's sweet...You're taking your mom out for dinner." So, I'd grimace at it and quickly spend an hour dyeing it and trying not get brown stain on the walls, counters, sink, floor tiles, carpet, and my shirt, face, ears, and fingers. Good times.
Then, wonder of wonders (to us *old* people), I started seeing all these younger women dyeing their hair silver. On purpose. Just-- what?? You're 20 and you want to have silver hair? Don't you know you're going to have silver hair later anyway? Why would you do that? But it started me thinking...OK, these women WANT grey hair, and they're paying to get it. I HAVE grey hair, and I'm paying to cover it up... hmmm. I randomly started following some ultra cool women on Instagram and the hashtag #silversisters, and I realized--it's just a hair color. People find greys starting as early as childhood. Why are we so worried about what color the hair is that grows out of our heads? Silver and grey (and blends of the same) in animals are beautiful. Grey horses? Awesome. White cats? Beautiful. Silver fish. Dogs. Elephants. How about snow leopards? Rare and exotic. What is with us humans? Time to be done.
To be fair, the mindset is starting to change. Revlon named "silver" the Hair Color of the Year for 2019, so I feel like it's time to get ON a bandwagon for a change...Like I'm at the right age, right time, right place, to do this.
I've always thought (and so have most women alive since the invention of hair dye) that it seems, I don't know..UNFAIR...that men go grey at whatever age it happens to them, and they never even think twice about it. They just rock it. They're called silver foxes. Distinguished. Sexy. Mature. But when a women allows her grey to just *happen*, she's called old. Letting herself go. Too young to go grey. Granny hair. Invisible. Obsolete. Out to pasture. Unattractive, boring, plain. The heck?? No. Also, I realized that our mothers' (and grandmothers') generations strongly believe that "Once you go grey, you better go short hair too. You can't have long grey hair; that's just ugly." Also not true. Google "long silver hair" and prepare to be amazed at how beautiful these women are, at all ages. Follow @annikavonholdt on Instagram and be prepared to never see silver hair the same way again. I love that she has long silver hair (although she'd be drop-dead gorgeous no matter what's on her head *insert jealous side-eye here*). My hair is almost long enough to sit on, and if you (or your grandma) think I'm going to chop it short once it's grey, you are oh-so-mistaken.
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| what people tell us we'll look like (courtesy of Google) |
vs.
| what it *can* look like (courtesy of annikavonholdt.com) |
Anyhoo. There I was after Christmas, in the bathroom with a box of dye, getting ready to cover my roots for the millionth time, and I looked at the metallic threads peeking out at my part line, and suddenly I was just like NOPE. I'm done. I want to see what my real hair looks like. I may be covering up something really gorgeous. I may have metallic silver hair. Or stripes. Or Cruella DeVille hair. Who knows? I may BE the hair all these women are paying fortunes to have and maintain. And with that, I was just finished. I returned the box dye to the store. The cashier took it from me and literally gave my 1/2" silver line of new growth on top of my head the side eye, hard, and was like, "Okayyyy."
It has now been 13 weeks today since I dyed my hair. I spent the first few weeks using a combination of coconut oil masks, and vitamin C mixed with shampoo on my hair under a wrap, to try to fade some of the existing remaining dye. I can now see my real hair color, for the first time since forever, and it's gorgeous! I'm not as white as I thought, or even as silver. My real hair turns out to be a super dark iron-blue-steel blackish color, but there is an ultra-white stripe at my temple, and some heavy silver stripes here are there in the dark hair. The back has almost no grey at all yet, but oh my goodness it's so DARK. I've become obsessed with seeing it grow. It's the slowest process imaginable, especially for my length of hair, but I'm excited to have started. I always wear it up, and I'm ALWAYS at home, so it's not like I have to worry about going in to work and looking "funny" for awhile during the initial months. I'm giving it about six months, and then I may (or may not) go in and have a salon who specializes in color correction, strip the dye from my ends and basically re-dye them to match my grown out hair. But I'm not at all sold on that either, because that involves bleaching and dyeing, and everyone I've seen who has done that has had so much damage that they have to cut off their hair anyway.
Meanwhile, I'm sporting so many different colors on my head. They range from nearly blond, caramel, chocolate brown, to walnut, with my nearly blue-steel-grey and white grow-out (which is fun to watch but also alarmingly odd). *gulp* It's starting to look intentional, and it has also suddenly opened my eyes to all the women out there, when I go to the store, who are doing the same thing. I don't know why I never noticed them, or maybe it's a new trend, but there are so many beautiful women who I can tell have just stopped dyeing their hair and are in all the various stages of growing it out. I feel like we make eye contact and sort give each other a tiny wink and a smile, like "good for you!"
I need to also point out the other giant change that has come of this ditching-the-dye. Oh. My. Gosh. You guys. My hair stopped falling out. Not just "sort of" quit--I mean, it has STOPPED FALLING OUT. I thought it was hereditary or something, and I used to lose so much hair that I was literally getting thinning (*gasp* balding?) spots on my head. And then, almost immediately, I started noticing that when I combed it out with conditioner in it after showering, and ran my hand down the length to the end, there were...NO hairs on my hand. Usually I'd pull off quite a few and have to hang them on the soap rack until I got out, because ewww. My hair is fuller and bouncier, and definitely noticeably thicker. My braid literally feels almost twice as thick as it used to. I'm constantly playing with it, because it doesn't even feel like MY hair. So, no matter what my real hair color is, I'm keeping it, because the trade-off is truly healthy hair. And nope, it's not wiry, like everyone keeps warning me. It's silky and sleek and thick and wonderful.
I should point out here, too, that this sort of ties in with my last post on signing up for a serious keto diet protocol with a coach. I guess I was like, "If I'm going to be grey, I need to have a fit body." I know, it's vain, but I had the thought that I don't want to be grey AND overweight. Ugh. No. So, my hair is motivation? Or my age? Or both? Whatever it is, I'm enjoying the new make-over I've started of my outward self, and I'm super excited to see my new improved body to go along with my real, authentic, ultra-cool, on-trend striped hair.
If you're considering embracing your grey hair, no matter what your age, I can't encourage you enough to DO IT. It's just hair. You might love it, and there's a great community of #silversisters to meet out there who are on the same path. And if you don't love it, you can always just dye it back, so where's the harm? It's time to realize that it's just another hair color, and it doesn't make us old, or un-sexy, or boring.
What a time to be alive, right?
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