Someone Stole Our "Hose"

A few years ago, I had to make strawberry margarita cupcakes at the bakery, which have Jose Cuervo tequila IN the recipe, brushed straight ON them while they're warm, and mixed in the icing (they were AWEsome, by the way).  I'd never had tequila, but I realized that I liked it, so I brought home the bottle, because it was still 3/4 full.  May as well not waste it…

For reference sake, I will stress here that my husband and I differ on the correct pronunciation of the name Jose.  He pronounces it "HO-zay", and I pronounce it "Ho-ZAY".  Dialect stuff; I'm from the Montana/Idaho border; he's from the North Bench (at least 20 miles away).

Anyhow, this is a text convo I had with him while I was at work, involving the Cuervo in print only, so bear in mind no one was actually drinking any of it at the time this conversation happened.   Love autocorrect.

Also bear in mind that, at the time, we actually did have a nice contractor-grade, heavy-duty hose attached to our irrigation system, out by our driveway, about 15' off the main road, so it's an understandable mistake.

Shane:  Someone stole our hose.

Me:  What?

Shane:  Yeah, it's just gone.

Me:  WhAT?!?

Shane:  The hose is missing.

I'm thinking: wth?? Some jerk actually got out of his car, walked onto our property, and took our stupid HOSE??

Me:  You have GOT to be kidding.

Shane:  Nope.  It was right where we left it, and now it's not.  Where is it?

Me:  How should I know? It should still be right there.  Are you saying someone just walked onto our property and took our hose?

Shane:  Well, I didn't take it.  It was on the door.

Me:  ?

Shane:  Door.

Me:  I don't know what the door has to do with it; it WAS outside.  I can't believe someone would steal our hose!!! Losers!

Shane:  Are you drinking? Why would it be outside?  I mean the HOSE.  I was going to make a drink, and there's none here.

Me:  What? No, I'm at work.  Why do you need a hose? Just use the faucet.

Shane:  You're totally drinking, aren't you?

Me:  Of course not, you're the one who's not making sense.  Did someone steal our nice hose, from out by the driveway, that we wash the car with??  I feel violated!

Shane:  No, what are you talking about.  HOSE.  Cuervo.  

Me:  OHhhhh you mean the tequila?! It's in the cabinet with the cooking stuff.   Jose. Cuervo.

Shane:  Wow.