Saturday, September 28, 2013

You Want a Cake Shaped Like WHAT?!?

A phone conversation I had with a man, somewhere in my cake decorating years:

Phone rings-

Me:  Good afternoon, this is Stefanie- (smiling)
Him:  Hi, I have a question about a cake I need…
Me:  Sure, how can I help you?
Him:  Can you make, uh…cakes in the shape of, like, real stuff?
Me:  You mean 'sculped' cakes?  Oh Sure, we do those all the time.  I've done flower pots, armadillos, sneakers, ladybugs, sock monkeys, a sturgeon, and even a Sharps rifle (which was AWESOME, if I may say so...see?) 

A life-sized Sharps rifle, with a hollow sugar barrel and everything--loved this!

Me:  So...what kind of sculped cake are you looking for?
Him:  Oh…well…um…it's for some friends… (longish pause)
Me:  (not quite enough info, dude) Ok, 'something for some friends'.  Is there a theme? Are they looking for something specific? If it's a kids birthday, ladybug cakes are really sweet...

Me:  Or, if it's a guy, I did a cake for a guy who shot his elk from his hot tub this:

Me:  Or, a bucket of sugar Corona bottles?  Those are awesome!

Him:  (Nothing) 

Me:  Or, once there was a guy who loves to I made a giant sturgeon:
Him:  Uh, yeah…those are cool.  But, do you do cakes that are, ah…uh…um, hmm…uh…anatomically correct?
Me:  (beginning to think my schedule is suddenly Not Open, while also trying not to sound like I'm not giggling) It depends which part of the…anatomy, exactly, are you wanting?
Him:    (Awkward pause--again.  I think I could actually HEAR him blushing).
Me:  Ok...What kind of party is it for?
Him:  Um, it's a bachelorette party.
Me:  Oh.   (Mind wandering a bit:  What kind of cake would you have at a...?  Oh.  No way.)

Him:  Yeah...

Me:  You mean, 'anatomically correct', as in … ?  (trying to keep a straight face)
Him:  Yeah, um, like...lower torso…you know…they wanted it shaped know…
Me:  (Laughing silently and making a gagging face, while still trying to sound friendly)  Um, yes, I understand.  I think I know what you are looking for, but I don't do that particular type of cake (they're called Naughty Cakes in the biz, and I wouldn't touch one with a 10-foot pole, but I didn't want to embarrass this guy, who seemed like he was already totally embarrassed enough.  Poor guy.  Who put him up to this?? Awkward!). 

Him:  Oh, uh…that's Ok.  Well, could you maybe recommend someone local here who makes that kind of stuff?
Me:  Um…no, not really. Thanks for calling though.  (This would be a totally great place to have referred him to someone as a prank, but I only have funny hindsight I guess.  Like--"Oh, YES…call XYZ Bakery.  They do these ALL the time; ask to see their 'Adult-Themed Cake Album'.  They'll LOVE hearing from you!")
On second thought, maybe it WAS a prank.   Wow.  I really AM slow, if that only just occurred to me, like 4   years   later. 

No comments:

Post a Comment