|Like This. Only WAY less interesting.|
|If you see this look, it isn't envy. Stop kidding yourself.|
UNfortunately for us, it is also kind of a hip hot spot for the Who's Who in our area to gather and NAME DROP VERY LOUDLY OVER DRINKS, because it's a martini bar, too, and apparently martinis don't mix well with the concept of CAN YOU PLEASE NOT TALK SO LOUD THAT EVERYONE IN THIS WHOLE TINY ROOM HAS TO HEAR EVERY NAME-DROPPING RICHY-RICH WORD YOU SAY?????
So...a lot of the diners are dates and business dinners and girls-night-out type stuff, which is fine (except for the ubiquitous table of three divorcees laughing way too loud over their wine glasses). When you throw in a bunch of martini-swilling local Main Streeters, in a room the size of most people's bedroom, elbow-to-elbow, it can get a little claustrophobic and irritating, like having a sliver in your shoe, but you CAN'T stop and take it out. Sometimes I just order the dish to go and bring it home to enjoy it in peace and quiet.
But--we went the other night, as a treat. We were seated in a corner, next to a table of four business-y types in probably their late 40s. There is always music there in the background, but it's never nearly loud enough, so you basically get to listen to whoever's at the next table TALKING VERY LOUDLY OVER DRINKS. It was super annoying, and since we couldn't hear our own conversation over the sound of theirs, we turned it into a game, where we sort of joined their conversation from our table, sotto voce. It didn't help that the woman sitting closest to us, who did most of the REALLY LOUD NAME DROPPING, also had just about the most cringeworthy, whiny, nasally voice, possibly in the history of the whole world EVER.
This all seriously happened, right next to my elbow:
Me: So, I talked to my brother the other night.
Shane: Oh...(distracted by 100-decibel conversation of people at next table).
Loud Woman Neighbor #1: ...So, yes, our ESCALADE IS PAID FOR.
Loud Man Neighbor #2: ..but what we NEED is a Corvette paid for. Haha. You know. Because we need it, right?
Loud Woman Neighbor #2: Oh, I know. Our Z is paid for...
Loud Man Neighbor #2: Don't forget the Lexus is also paid for.
LWN#2: Oh, RIGHHHT. The Lexus is paid for too.
LMN#1: But we need a Corvette.
Shane: When's he coming to visit?
Me: Umm, what? Oh. June.
more conversation drifts over, talking about their savings...
LWN#1: We're thinking 5 MILLION is enough, for our golden years...
LWN#2: Oh girl, your "golden years"?? You guys aren't that old.
LWN#1: I know, but we have to have something set aside.
LMN#2: Yes, but 5 million? I guess that would be enough, if it was earning interest...
LWN#1: It's easy to have that much, because we make SO MUCH MONEY right now--we are practically using hundreds as firestarters. (Ok, I added that part. Don't judge.)
Shane: What date in June?
LWN#1: YOU KNOW WHAT I MISS? EUROPE. And ROME. We have GOT to get back over there.
LMN#2: I KNOW. Last time we were in GERMANY, they had this blah blah.
LWN#2: I want to do another cruise. You know, and I miss France right now, too. Why don't we all do a cruise?
Me: I think the 3rd of June...
Shane: What's the 3rd of June? What is with these people?? I can't hear myself think.
Their conversation is now about college...
LWN#1: ...We give our son a $5,500.00 allowance during college. FIFTY-FIVE HUNDRED.
LMN#2: Per year?
LWN#1: No, dear, per SEMESTER. FIFTY-FIVE hundred. And our daughter's at blah blah, doing blah blah.
Me: My brother's coming. And graduation is the 8th.
Waiter to Neighbors: Is everyone ready for dessert?
We were like NO, they are NOT! For the love of God, no dessert!!! But nooo...it was LWN#1's birthday. So, of course, lots of applause, waiter fawning, more general loudness.
Us to ourselves: (Oh, we're sorry. We're just sitting right here next to you, trying to enjoy a date night and eat our dinner).
Waiter to Them: Would you all like some more wine?
Them: Actually, we need a round of your best COGNAC for her birthday. And please bring EVERY DESSERT IN THE PLACE AND SOME MORE ALCOHOL BECAUSE WE NEED TO BE LOUDER IN THIS 10 X 20' ROOM.
Us: Oh. My. Gosh. Seriously?!?
Their conversation morphed over to a 20-minute monologue on SAMSUNG products. Samsung phones, Samsung printers. Samsung the company. Samsung versus Hewlett-Packard. Samsung's stock values. Samsung, Samsung, SAMSUNG.
Us: We're out. Can we get a box for this?
We did mess with them a little, from our table two feet away, since we couldn't have a conversation with each other. I think they probably totally thought we were having way too much fun, judging by how much we were giggling...We pretended we were *almost* part of their group; so throughout their whole conversation, we'd interject comments that only we could hear:
Shane: I KNOW. We need a Corvette paid for too. Lexus is such a boring ride.
Me: And I think 5 million isn't nearly enough, but *sniff* if that's all you can do--you gotta start somewhere.
Shane: We really should plan a trip to France. AND take a cruise, too.
Me: We could cruise to France. Maybe they can hook us up.
Shane: And that poor KID. $5,500 per semester? The nerve.
Me: I know. Our kids will totally have unlimited allowances at college. Cheapskates.
Shane: At least we'll know where to find them some SAMSUNG products.
Waiter: Can I get you two another round?
Me: *giggling uncontrollably while holding up one finger* Yes. Yes, I think so, please.
So--after all--it turned out to be a pretty fun night. And we got a TON of food to bring home...
I can't tell you how many times I actually almost asked them to please shut UP. One more key lime martini, and I probably would have...
Had to get that off my chest...