Soul-searching Via Facebook Quizzes

source:  quizony.com

If you read my sleep-deprived post from yesterday, you can probably guess that I spent the first half of my day, um, not at my best--mentally speaking.  Activity level:  unshowered/barefoot/nightgown.

Since it was all I could to sit upright in front of my computer, and my budget hadn't changed significantly since I woke up, I found myself randomly clicking on those quizzes everyone passes around on Facebook.  You know, just to see what the folks at wherever dot com really know about me.  Here's what I found:

1.  I am 19% white trash, with great family values.  Hey, I am country now!  (random What About Bob reference)

2.  My inner 80s movie star is Meryl Streep.  Because I can wear many hats and adjust to all situations with style and grace.     Cool.  That accounts for that other 81%.

3.  My worst trait is:  Laziness.   Well....duh.  See 'activity level' above.

4.  My hippie name is Silent Echo, because I "have a quiet wisdom that people respect and admire".  Ummm.  Getting a little off course here.  I'm rarely quiet.  Or wise.

5.  My aura is gold, because I am "enlightened, calm, and transcendent and I lead a charmed life."   BAHAHAHA 

6.  My gift is 'compassion', because I've always felt an innate need to care for others.   Right.  Like right now, I feel I should write shorter posts, for you.

7.  I have an UNcheckered and hence really straight-laced and conservative past.  Bingo.  Although I'm still on the run after taking that candy in 3rd grade.  Assumed name:  Silent Echo.

8.  I should be "Getting Entrepreneurial" right now.   No.  I tried that.  It didn't work out so well. But I am knitting a sweater, which could hypothetically be worth a lot of money. If I were to sell it.  Next?

9.  My magic powers are: intuition and communication with animals, because I always can sense what's going to happen, and I understand animals better than humans.  Well, animals are simpler, but I pretty much never "know what's going to happen".  Hence the insomnia.

10.  I am "48% likely" to do something I will regret this weekend.  Check.  I already regret doing those stupid quizzes.  There's 20 minutes I won't get back, right there.

- - - - - -

I did manage to sleep for about 3 hours yesterday, straight through a lovely sunny fall day, which is a shame because there aren't many of those left.

On the plus side, I *do* feel a little better today, and it's comforting to know my white trash-ness is only as much as Dolly Parton's.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

Thanks, Insomnia. I Owe You a Punch in the Face

I don't even have anything to say except WHAT THE HECK.  And, insomnia is nothing new.

(and of course I don't mean that.  I'm sure I have A LOT to say)

Me.  Last night.    (ok, that's *not* me)

I've always been a "night owl".  Even as a kid, I couldn't sleep until like 1 a.m. or later.  The whole house would be asleep, and there I'd be, in the dark, staring at nothing, going over the day in my head.  What they said, what I said, what about tomorrow?  Who cares?  It's 2 a.m., kid.

So, I slept a lot on the bus on the way to school.  And in class.  And on the way home.

When I graduated high school, it got a little better.  Over the last several years (and, yes, it's been a long time since high school), it's gradually gotten worse again.

These days, this is usually my new sleep pattern:
6:30 p.m.:  Yawning and could totally take a nap (which I don't, because hello--dinner).

7-9 p.m.:  Dinner and dishes, hang out with Shane, start a movie, work on knitting.

9:00 p.m.:  Second wind.  Totally not tired.  It's only 9?  The night's still young! Time to knit and read some more.  Yay me!  I love evenings!

Everyone's asleep! No chores! Time to chill!

11:00 p.m.:  Still reading or knitting, possibly a bit sleepy. I really better get to bed.  I have to be up at 7, and I've started trying to go to the gym to swim after dropping our youngest at school. If you're not a morning person, you can probably imagine how *awesome* it is to get  in a chilly swimming pool in a bathing suit at 8:30 a.m.   Total willpower test.

aiieeeeeeeeeeeee  

Seriously?  Could we warm it UP a little?

Nevermind.  I'm good.

moving on.  What was I talking about?  Oh, right.  Insomnia.

On most nights, I can usually go to bed and fall right to sleep.  For about an hour.  Then I wake back UP...and my brain thinks it's possibly morning, until I look at the clock.  What the --?  I slept for 40 minutes!??  No.  Nononononononono.  I do not want to be awake now.  Don't think about it.  Just go back to sleep...shhhhh...there, there...

On some rare nights, I can keep my eyes closed and actually get back to sleep.

However.  If my brain has been awake for more than, say, a minute, I hear this:  "You know what we haven't thought about for...about an hour?  Bills.  And your health.  You're not getting any younger.  You could be sick already with whatever is going to kill you.  Or Shane.  He could be sick right now.  And you don't have insurance, right?  Yeah, that would be bad, wouldn't it?  Also...you have a lot of bills, and they're ALL late.  That's bad, too.  Oh, I see you're awake now.  Maybe you should go check your bank account and see if it's still overdrawn.  Because at 2:48 a.m., there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT MUAAHAHAHAHAAREYOUAWAKENOWHOWABOUTNOW?

3:35 a.m.:  You still awake?  Also...you have a child in college.  I hope she's safe.  Just a thought.  Go back to sleep.  shhh  close your eyes

lalalalala...I didn't hear that

3:50 a.m.:  Is that the heater coming on? You have a fireplace, but you're running gas heat?  Nice.  That's going to be expensive.  Is the fire going too?  Did you stoke it before bed?  Are you too hot yet?  Too cold?  You should check the thermostat, or the fire.  If the door's closed, you'll be too cold.

I'm really hungry, too.  You can't sleep when you're hungry.  Hey, how's that diet coming?  You should go get on the scale, but you know what...I don't think the swimming's helping, since you've GAINED WEIGHT since you started swimming.  That really sucks. And you never even use the exercise bike that's right upstairs.  What is your problem??  You could go work out right now, but you're not that dedicated, are you?

I'm starting to think of this voice as possibly the actual devil.  The one you meet at the crossroads of 3 a.m. and nothing'swrongwithmyhealthormyfamily.

4:18 a.m.: Don't look at the clock.  Do NOT.  Don't.  Oh, look, it's getting light out.  I think I hear the rooster.  What the actual heck?  Why is he crowing when it's still dark?

You awake yet? Because I can do this ALL DAY.

4: 20 am.:  Why even bother trying to sleep? You should probably just get up.  Or, you could sleep for like 2.5 hours, if you go to sleep right.this.minute, and then wake up feeling like someone threw you under a bus.  That's a fun option.  So, go to sleep...now....      NOW.   You asleep yet?  Wow.  Look at Shane.  He's been asleep since 8:40.  That's like...(do the math) 8 hours.  He's gotten 8 HOURS MORE sleep than you tonight.  No wonder you're no fun during the day.  Are you crying?

Just forget the sleep thing and get up and go work on a new budget.  Who knows, maybe your finances have improved since the close of yesterday's banking day. Or maybe you won the lottery overnight, and you don't know it yet.  Of course, the banks are probably already open, back east, so...yeah.  Things could be better!  Or worse.  But you won't know unless you get up, right?

Yep, still $0.

Sometimes, if I catch this cycle soon enough (like at 1 a.m.), I'll just take a Tylenol PM or a shot of vodka (or both, don't judge), and somehow that seems to break the cycle, and I'll stay asleep.  If I take two, though, I'm pretty much unconscious at 7:25 and can only mumble in my pillow to Shane, "take her to school pleze" but it comes out sounding like, "mmmfffhooolplz". He knows what it means though, and because he is my angel of mercy, he drives her to school, lets the cats out, and leaves me to sleep, bless him.

That was my day, the last two days.  How was yours?  Any suggestions?  I'm open to pretty much anything today; my eye is twitching, and I slept about 3.5 hours, from 4-7:30.

Insomnia, Anagrams, and Sleepless Thought Processes

Sheep are way, way overrated.

We celebrated Mother's Day by staying at a night at a nearby town on a lake and treated ourselves to a lake view and a couple of meals out.  It was lovely.  Except for the part where I didn't sleep ALMOST AT ALL, ALL NIGHT.

This isn't really a surprise, because I've dealt with insomnia all my life.  I handle it by reading in bed or by getting up and making lists of everything that my brain keeps trying to remind me about.

What made the other night memorable is that every time I rolled over, my mind was working on a blog post using the word "INSOMNIA" as an anagram, totally without my permission.  Which must mean I'm creative even when I'm not awake, right? Or that my mind just never SHUTS UP.

This is what it sounds like to have insomnia.  Let me know if this sounds familiar.
________

1:35 a.m.  

OK.  Anagram for "insomnia".  "I" is for...what?...I?  I...Iiiii...can't sleep?  Yeah.  That works.  OK, next letter.

"N".  Hmm.  "N" is for....umm...No sleep for you?  OK.

What's the next letter?  "S".  I don't know.  Sleep?  I'm not good at these.  Shut UP.

My neck hurts.  This stupid hotel pillow is giving me a neck ache.

I could rip this pillow open and make like TWO WHOLE REGULAR HUMAN pillows out of it.

I wonder how they'd put that on our bill... "One destroyed pillow = $150.00".

I should have just brought my own pillow.

I wonder what that would look like, if I walked through the hotel carrying my pillow.  I'd look like a kid at a sleepover.

I should have brought my body pillow too, because you might as well bring EVERYthing you need.

I could wear footie pajamas to make it official.

Do they make adult footie pajamas? I think they do.  They'd probably be too warm, though.

I'm too warm right now.

2:20 a.m. 

That heater has been blowing on high for like 3 hours in this hotel room.

Now I can't hear anything but that HOTEL ROOM HEATER BLOWING ON HIGH.  It's drying out my eyeballs.

I have to go turn it down.  If I don't turn it down, we will possibly all be smothered by this continuously blowing hot air.

It's really loud, too.  How can everyone sleep through that racket? Maybe it's relaxing to them.  Like white noise.  Maybe it could drone me to sleep...

That's not relaxing at all.

OK.  I turned it down.  But the fan won't turn down.  Apparently that sound is what that fan sounds like all. the. time.  On ALL the settings.  But at least I think the TEMP is down.

Hopefully I didn't just turn on the A/C.  I don't know, because I was just randomly turning dials in the DARK.

Now in two hours we'll all be freezing.  And it will still be loud.

3:48 a.m.

Why is there a light on outside?  It's shining right in through that drape.  I swear it's shining right in my EYES.

Who left the drapes open?

I should have shut the drapes while I was up.

I wonder if it's quieter on the balcony?

No.  It's like 36 degrees out there.  Plus, if you go out there, you'll wake the whole family up opening the sliding door.

Maybe if they woke up and moved around a little, they'd snore less.

I wish I had ear plugs with me.  That might help.

No ear plugs.  Wow.  Are you a bad packer or what?  Now every single sound will be magnified a million times.  Especially that heater/air-conditioning unit that sounds like it's going to continue filling this room with air nonstop until we leave.

I wonder if you can get sick from too much hot heater air blowing into a hotel room? Probably not, but I bet it's pretty dehydrating.

Great.  Now I'm thirsty.

Wow, that bathroom door couldn't have squeaked any louder, and I loved ripping open that securely wrapped cellophane cup for my drink, in the dark.  And yet, no one woke up.  Amazing.

4:10 a.m.

I'm still too hot.  If I take off my pajama bottoms, the kids might notice and possibly wonder why I have no pants on, right?

I can not physically lay here for one more SECOND in these pants.

OK.  No pants is better.  I feel cooler already.

I should have gone while I was IN there...

If I get up and walk to the bathroom in just a shirt, what if my kids are awake?  I could be responsible for some terrible childhood issue caused by seeing your mother in no pants.

Tomorrow's Mother's Day, so it's not a good day for me to cause new issues.  It can wait til morning.

5:39 a.m. 

Is it is me, or is the sun coming up right now?  Why didn't I close the drape when I was up?

And...yes...there's the TV coming on at 7:30 a.m..  Tah-dah...MORNING EVERYONE!!!

Back to the anagram, I never seemed to get past the "S", so I thought I'd do it for real, now that I'm awake, (although not fully rested yet).  This is what an insomniac's night feels like:

I  -  I can't sleep.
N -  No sleep for me.
S  -  Some people are asleep and snoring, right now.
O  - OMG why can't I just SLEEP?
M  - Maybe if I put in ear plugs I won't hear anything.  Then I could sleep.
N  - No ear plugs available.
I  - I still can't sleep.
A  - Ahmigash...the sun is up.

Today it's finally lovely outside, the lawn needs mowed, and there are a million other things I should be doing, but my eyelid is developing a "tic", which means that what I need right now is a NAP.