Saturday, November 29, 2014

I Can't Remember What They're Called...but I May Have Just Created One

You know, where something happens, and that causes something else to happen, which couldn't happen unless the first thing had/hadn't happened, but neither can happen without the other, and then you're back where you started?

One of those.  Worm hole? Time-space continuum? Time warp?  Chicken crossing the road?  No, wait--


It's time to decorate the house because CHRISTMAS.  Which is my favorite time of year, except summer.  My life pretty much revolves around "When's summer?" and "When's Christmas?"

Guys.  To fully decorate our house, it means basically A TREE IN EVERYSINGLEROOM OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE.  Seriously.  I think there are like 9 now, even one in a bathroom.  Two 6-foot, three 4-foot, one 3-foot, two 18", and one 12" which doesn't really count, but 9 sounds better than 8 when I'm making up lists of why I have too much to do or  making holiday predictions, right?  Let's just call it an even dozen.

The time warp/worm hole/quantum thing comes into effect, though, because, to decorate I need to have a plate of Christmas cookies.  And I haven't made Christmas cookies yet.  And I can't even HAVE Christmas cookies because I'm on a whole-food/one-ingredient/raw food type diet (which is working, but it's not like it's FUN or anything), so why make them?  And if I can't have Christmas cookies, which I haven't baked, I can't decorate, and I can't decorate unless I make cookies first and have a little plate while decorating the tree, and I can't make cookies because--

You can see where this is going, right? 
Also, decorating means pulling some of the decorations and trees out of the attic, which means moving stuff out of the garage to get TO the attic.  And of course, while we're up there, we should take some stuff UP there that's been sitting in the garage since, like, August.  Try not to look around and find anything that I forgot about.  HEY! WHY IS MY PUNCH BOWL UP HERE?  OH LOOK, THEIR BABY TOYS!!!

Focus! You came up here for trees.

Actually, the bulk of our holiday decor is in the backbackback of the coat closet, in a dark cavern under the stairs, and that means pulling out EVERY SINGLE COAT, HAT, AND BOOT to pull out all the boxes, which in itself never thrills me, because then I start thinking we should totally give away some of these coats because for the love of God, WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY COATS?  And then I start sorting gloves and wondering the same thing, except with the addition of why can't they stay matched UP, and why doesn't Shane have any boots?  I should have a cookie.

It also means trying to figure out where to put the big tree in the living room--there are only two choices--and either one means moving ALL THE FURNITURE around, which means OMG LOOK AT ALL THAT DUST, and then I have to sweep and vacuum and possibly look for a new house or at least fire the maid.

hahahAHAHAHAHAHAHA    ...yeah, no.  There's no maid here.

Anyway.  I HAVE to decorate, because we are also having The Christmas Party here this year.  Which means, like, 60 people and 10,000 varieties of finger food and lots of laughing our heads off, (and lots of cookies), and I can't start all THAT until the trees are up, and the trees can't go up because no COOKIES.  I don't even know if I can do this without baking first.

I could just bake some.  But then I'd have to do dishes first, and possibly go the store because I'm pretty sure I'm low on butter, which means I'd have to also get dressed (and find some cash), and that's just too much right now.  I've only been up for an hour, so this all seems like too much on my (cookie-less) plate.


Well, I guess I'll go stare into that closet now.  Thanks for listening.
Jack, enjoying the tree   2013


  1. I can make another batch of the Gilles butter cookies & get them to you by
    the end of the week....if that will help.Waddayathink?

  2. No one here is eating cookies; I won't make many for us (but lots for the party). I'm probably going to start baking this week anyway, once the huge mess of decorating is done.

    PS: Counting little ready-made topiary-type trees, I think the count actually IS 12, and I just found another silver tree upstairs. lol

  3. This is our first year in our new "big" house and we get to have a real tree this year. It will be sad to put our "old" tree outside where it belongs as it's been our family tree for the past three Christmases. It's even in a pot and has pre-strung lights. This will be an adventure! Good luck with the no cookies thing!

    1. I'm still putting stuff up...and will probably start some cookies tomorrow. Have fun with your new space!!