We Don't Have That, Either

(I wrote this post at the height of my cake decorating days, probably 2011, when I was searching for what should have been a very simple item--a baseboard for a heavy baby shower cake)
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Flashback to December 2011:

So, today's like the blizzardy-est (yes, I make up words) road conditions ever, but I had a cake delivery to do, AND I needed to find something call 'foamcore board', so I was out driving in it. I actually need it right now, today, for a cake for this weekend, but that's beside the point, since I didn't find it.

This stuff is like the Holy Grail of cake boards, and about as hard find

Michael's used to have what I need, like a good craft store should, but they quit carrying it, without telling me why, but everyone (and by everyone, I mean, other cake people I've asked) keeps saying I can find it at "Duh...Lowe's or Home Depot". So I called Lowe's and asked the lady who answered. She looked it up and said yes, it's in their lumber department, and they have 100 sheets. It was on my way back from delivering today's cake in the blizzard, so I swung (slid) into Lowe's and slipped and skidded my way inside.

After wandering around for way.too.long in the lumber department, which always annoys me (the wandering, not the lumber department) I finally found a guy wearing the official Lowe's apparel.

Me: Do you have foamcore board?

Guy: Do we have what?

Me: Foamcore. It's 1/2" white board, not wood, with like a hard foam inside, and it's coated with polypropylene plastic-y stuff.  The lady on the phone said you have 100 sheets of it in stock.  I need to find it, please.

Guy: We have 100 big sheets of styrofoam in the lumber yard.

Me: No, not styrofoam. It's like a craft product.  It's called foamcore board, but it's not wood; it shouldn't be with lumber. 

Guy: I cannot even picture what you're describing to me right now.

Me: If you have kids and they do science projects, this is the stuff that would be the back board they use.

Guy: I'm still lost.

Me:  Didn't you ever do a science fair project..?

At this point a short annoyed-looking woman employee walks up.

Her: What are you looking for?

Me: 1/2" white foamcore board.

Her: I don't know what you're talking about. What are you using it for?

Me: I use it as a baseboard underneath wedding cakes--

Her: --Oh, you won't find anything here for food.

Me: It's not for food; it gets covered and used underneath the cake for support and---

Her: --If it's for food, you're at the wrong place.

(like I've somehow stumbled into a store without realizing it's not a freaking baking warehouse.  Yes, I KNOW).

Me: I buy stuff here all the TIME that's not for food, but aside from that, I still need to--

Her: We don't have it.

Me: But someone told me that you--

Her: We don't have that either.

Wow.  It's like she's not even listening anymore.

Me: Well, I'm sure GLAD I came in here in a blizzard, anyway.

Guy: Oh. Yeah, drive careful out there.

Me: Thanks. It was great just trying to get here. In the blizzard.

Back to the sugar mines. I still have no idea what I'm going to use for this cake that I'm working on today.

2013 update: Here's the cake I was working on. As you can see, it turned out fine. Judging from the way the ribbon trim looks, I'd guess I built a base using too-thin 1/4" foamcore from Walmart, and some strategically-placed, hot-glued 'feet' under it for support, with the ribbon to hid the mess.

Thanks for nothing, Lowe's.