Saturday, November 2, 2013

Tomatoes Are Why Pioneers Went Extinct

Ok, I can't even believe that it's actually November and I'm STILL FREAKING CANNING TOMATOES.  What the actual heck? I totally forgot about the length of time in the fall that you will still be putting up food, if you plant a big garden like ours.  Oh sure, I used to do this and have always canned our vegetables and fruit, (and I do love it, but still, you burn out sometimes), and I haven't canned our food since like 2008, so give me a break here.  It's going to be snowing soon, I have 100 tulip and daffodils that haven't been planted yet, and I'm still here looking at this: 

These need canned
So do these...
Don't forget these!
I'm thinking…"Well.  I've made ketchup, tomato soup, tomato juice, tomato vegetable soup, stewed tomatoes, mild AND medium salsa, pasta sauce, minestrone, and chili.  What ELSE CAN I MAKE WITH ALL THESE FREAKING TOMATOES?" 
Oh, that's right, MORE OF EVERYTHING.  Because I hate wasting food.  So I will keep canning until I have found a use for everysingletomato that I have, which should be, like, Christmas Eve.  I just realized I'm oddly sort of not sad to see that some of them won't ripen on the counter. 
(Aww, this one's no good.  I'll have to throw it out hahahahHAHAHAHA)
On that note, I am TOTALLY SOLD on the "throwing rotten tomatoes" thing now as being super gross.  Like if someone threw rotten tomatoes at you on stage (not that I've had that happen; I would rather stab myself in the eye with a fork than be on stage, ever), but, oh my gosh, you guys, even ONE truly rotten tomato can stink to high heaven!  I just thought you should know this…in case you ever heard of someone who got pelted with rotten tomatoes and then gave them a hard time, like, "What? You actually threw UP?!?  It can't be that bad".  Yes it totally IS.  But I don't think that happens much these days, which I suppose is good.  Nowadays, if we hate someone's performance, we can write them a bad review on Yelp or whatever, but the tomato thing would still totally work because they'd have to immediately stop performing and go take a shower, and try not to puke, so you'd have personally halted their career, for free, for that evening anyway.
Sorry, digressing.  Just wigging out a little bit right now, what with ALL THE TIME IN THE KITCHEN.  If you have ever canned food in a pressure canner, you know that while the process time is running (for 30-85 MINUTES), you can NOT LEAVE THAT STOVE.  I mean, not at all.  Ok, if you have to pee, maybe, yes, but other than that, NO, YOU ARE NOT LEAVING.   You will put a chair in the kitchen, pull up a book (or 5) and you will sit and watch that dial gauge the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.  Every. Minute.  So, if Ed McMahon comes to your door, you are totally going to miss it, because you sure don't want to have to restart the stupid timer and sit back down.  For another 85 minutes.   
Maybe if pioneers had had internet, they wouldn't have gone extinct…because pioneer women could have totally blogged about their lives while they were canning.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE all our homemade organic food, and I don't usually complain, because then I get people who look at me all judgy and go, "So…is it that you can't afford to buy organic food at the store, you peasant?", and I'm like, "No.  You totally don't get it."  (It's that I don't appreciate paying 5 TIMES AS MUCH AS NONORGANIC, for food that I can make myself, at home.  But then…what's my time worth?  It's like a circle…) So, ok--yes, I shouldn't complain.  It's lovely food and completely healthy and delicious, and usually every bite of it came from our land, which you can't put a price on.  But I do see why the pioneers all sort of died out when they invented SUPERMARKETS where you just go, oh, that looks yummy.  I'll buy THAT.  Then you just…take it home and eat it.  But then things got…unhealthy, (which may also be why they died out)…and you realize a garden is really a great investment after all, and then you're back in the kitchen like a pioneer.   There's that circle again…
So, right now, my life is a constant balance between the love of being all "Yay, I made all our food! Bring on the snow days!" and the feeling of "Oh my GOSH I really AM barefoot in the kitchen.  At midnight".  At least I didn't do it while I was pregnant…back then I just worked 40 hours a week at a full-time job.  (*frowning*  Wait, that seems backwards.  Nevermind.)

With any luck, I'll be done just in time to hurry up and knit some mittens for Christmas gifts or something, right before we sit down to tomato soup, chili, and tomato juice, with chips and salsa, for Christmas dinner. 


  1. Replies
    1. I know... there's nothing like canning --again--on a snowy Sunday morning in November. Sigh