Thursday, December 19, 2013

Bring Back the Awesome--The Un-Funny Post

A break from funny.  If you're here for humor--skip this one.

It's been a hard year for a lot of people, and I feel like I need to take a moment to say that, yes, I joke about everything, but behind that, it has been an exceptionally difficult year for us.  Permit me to wear my heart on my sleeve, just this once, and we will then return to my regularly scheduled nonsense.
I don't know why, but our family and friends have gone through more in the last 12 months than in our whole prior life combined.  We have collectively weathered bankruptcies, foreclosures, repossessions, judgments, lawsuits, and job losses.  We have seen the close of blood-sweat-and-tears businesses and the death of dreams.  We have seen people we thought were friends…choose to not be there for us when we needed them.  My brother was hit by a car while riding his bicycle.  A business associate/friend was involved in a double fatality accident which also rendered him unable to work and unavailable to our business--both accidents have still not been untangled. 

We have watched friends and loved ones suffer painful and deadly medical diagnoses, dismembering accidents, marital problems, infidelity, divorce, infertility issues, unplanned pregnancies, frighteningly wayward adult children, and drug addictions. We have lost close friends and family to deaths due to illness, accident and suicide (including two on the same day, on Easter weekend).  I have been to more funerals this year than ever before.  Three more in my circle of loved ones are at death's door as I write; basically the next call we expect will be the one saying they're gone. 
Our business, which thankfully has no lack of customers, has had one mechanical breakdown after another, literally weekly.  It's cost us thousands extra per month to try to maintain working machines so we can keep our business producing.  It's always just enough to give us hope that next week might be better, but somehow also never quite enough to get back to feeling solid ground underfoot.  Then something else will break, and another $500-2000.00 will be needed for repairs, and I'm sitting at my desk again, wondering whether to pay the mortgage or get the equipment that is our lifeblood running again (like some kind of morbid "income roulette"). 
We have experienced unrelenting blow after unrelenting blow weekly, if not daily, and they keep coming, right up to yesterday, when we heard that two more much-loved people might have serious medical issues, both under 39 years old. We find out more soon.  Hopefully it's nothing.  We're praying that it's nothing.  It has to be nothing.

I thought of writing a detailed list of everything we've weathered this year, in chronological order, as a recap of what we've survived and watched our loved ones go through, but even mentally tallying the last 12 months up took me so long and was so depressing that I gave it up.  And there's certainly no humor in any of it. 
Usually my blog is just about my funny slant on life, or shallow and sarcastic rants about whatever, and I don't share anything too personal or real on it, because many acquaintances read it, and I don't usually feel ready to share this with them, but so many people have the same story this year, and I wanted to say (once), that beneath all the joking here, lurk the same hardships many of you are facing every day.  Writing stuff that makes me laugh is a way to focus on something other than the stack of bills on my desk or the next email or phone call telling me what fresh hell has run amok in my small and happy universe today.  So if I make you laugh too, or even just distract you from the same headaches, with my rambly musings, then I'm glad if I've helped a bit.

I have spent more time crying in the shower, at my desk, on the kitchen floor, in the car, and in bed, this year than any other year of my life. Sometimes it's a daily thing--I don't even bother with makeup a lot of days because, hello--that stuff runs.  I can only hope that 2014 brings something better, and I'm sure it will.  Basically my life is usually awesome and happy and completely content, but after a year like this, it makes you tired, trying to keep seeing everything through AWESOME GLASSES, and yeah, it's OK if we need to cry sometimes.

When I started tallying up the depressing chronology of this year, I stopped.  Because there is a PLUS side.  We have our little family and our health, and our beloved home, and we have each other and our faith in things to come.  We have two kids who are doing great and turning into beautiful, funny adults. We have a happy marriage of rare and epic closeness, full of laughter and friendship and still-crazy attraction after 27 years, for which I am eternally grateful. We rely on each other and our faith to get us through what has been our hardest year ever.  Long hugs and countless wordless gestures of affection and deep appreciation for each other have saved the day many times, for both of us. 

I don't know why we go through trials, except to remind us from whence comes our strength, but--we're all still here, and I know we will get through all this.
I don't have a resolution for the New Year…just a hope that it will be a better year than the last one.  (Also to lose 25 pounds by working out everysingleday, learn another language, save $50,000, and get our whole property weeded.  Nothing big.)

I think this year, that phrase about being kind to everyone you meet, because everyone is fighting their own private battle, rings more true than ever, for everyone.

Whatever your trial is right now, look around--you are not alone.  This Christmas we need to remember, it's not about the gifts--it's about our time together, and if we can brighten someone's day by a smile or a word, we should.  Who knows if it's not the gesture that saves their day?

And here's to 2014 being the year to bring back the awesome. I'm ready.


  1. I'm not quite sure what to say.. I'm so bad with sympathy (I'm more like "wanna see me do jazz hands" to distract people from sadness) but I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that this has been your year. I don't know why it has to be this way sometimes... like when it rains, it just pours and pours all the shit upon you at once. I'm glad that you're able to see the things in your life for which you can be truly grateful-- and it sounds like you have a lot. But it doesn't ease the pain of losing people or the stress of money and ruin. I do very very much hope that 2014 brings a change in the winds.

    1. Thanks so much. I'm bad at sympathy myself...I'm usually the one who makes inappropriate jokes instead of sad frowny faces. Today it continues. Maybe someday this year will be funny, but - no.

    2. At least we will soon have a New Year to start from. I hope your holidays have gone well :)

    3. Thanks Aussa, they were pretty perfect, and I'm looking forward to a new and better year, though nothing around here seems funny--yet... Hope your holidays were great as well!

  2. I'm so sorry to read this.

    Can I say that I understand, though? My husband and I went through a two year period that just left us breathless with fear and grief. It was horrible and scary and so very very sad.

    In retrospect, it did strengthen a bond that was already pretty damn strong and for that I am grateful.

    We learned that we had a well of strength that is bottomless (because what other choice is there?)

    My hope for you and your family is that you get a reprieve in 2014 and that you find peace. I hope your family and friends find peace as well.


    1. Thanks Michelle! Some years are just like this, I guess. I'm just reallyreallyreally ready to get back to it NOT sucking, financially speaking. Other than that, we had three reprieves in the scary-friends-illnesses category, so that's a huge blessing.

      And yeah...we put our heads together and get through everything as a team, so I'm eternally grateful for him and our bond. I can't imagine getting through a year like 2013 was, without a strong partner to lean on!

      Still...we started the new year out with slow business and a hard hit of the flu, so I'm still patiently waiting, although it sounds like everyone I talk to, is in the same boat.

      Here's to ALL of us having a better 2014!

      Things are almost getting funny. I made my mother-in-law laugh her head off today, so there's that. :D