Thursday, October 2, 2014

Thanks, Insomnia. I Owe You a Punch in the Face

I don't even have anything to say except WHAT THE HECK.  And, insomnia is nothing new.

(and of course I don't mean that.  I'm sure I have A LOT to say)
Me.  Last night.    (ok, that's *not* me)

I've always been a "night owl".  Even as a kid, I couldn't sleep until like 1 a.m. or later.  The whole house would be asleep, and there I'd be, in the dark, staring at nothing, going over the day in my head.  What they said, what I said, what about tomorrow?  Who cares?  It's 2 a.m., kid.

So, I slept a lot on the bus on the way to school.  And in class.  And on the way home.

When I graduated high school, it got a little better.  Over the last several years (and, yes, it's been a long time since high school), it's gradually gotten worse again.

These days, this is usually my new sleep pattern:
6:30 p.m.:  Yawning and could totally take a nap (which I don't, because hello--dinner).

7-9 p.m.:  Dinner and dishes, hang out with Shane, start a movie, work on knitting.

9:00 p.m.:  Second wind.  Totally not tired.  It's only 9?  The night's still young! Time to knit and read some more.  Yay me!  I love evenings!

Everyone's asleep! No chores! Time to chill!

11:00 p.m.:  Still reading or knitting, possibly a bit sleepy. I really better get to bed.  I have to be up at 7, and I've started trying to go to the gym to swim after dropping our youngest at school. If you're not a morning person, you can probably imagine how *awesome* it is to get  in a chilly swimming pool in a bathing suit at 8:30 a.m.   Total willpower test.


Seriously?  Could we warm it UP a little?
Nevermind.  I'm good.
moving on.  What was I talking about?  Oh, right.  Insomnia.

On most nights, I can usually go to bed and fall right to sleep.  For about an hour.  Then I wake back UP...and my brain thinks it's possibly morning, until I look at the clock.  What the --?  I slept for 40 minutes!??  No.  Nononononononono.  I do not want to be awake now.  Don't think about it.  Just go back to sleep...shhhhh...there, there...

On some rare nights, I can keep my eyes closed and actually get back to sleep.

However.  If my brain has been awake for more than, say, a minute, I hear this:  "You know what we haven't thought about for...about an hour?  Bills.  And your health.  You're not getting any younger.  You could be sick already with whatever is going to kill you.  Or Shane.  He could be sick right now.  And you don't have insurance, right?  Yeah, that would be bad, wouldn't it? have a lot of bills, and they're ALL late.  That's bad, too.  Oh, I see you're awake now.  Maybe you should go check your bank account and see if it's still overdrawn.  Because at 2:48 a.m., there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT MUAAHAHAHAHAAREYOUAWAKENOWHOWABOUTNOW?

3:35 a.m.:  You still awake? have a child in college.  I hope she's safe.  Just a thought.  Go back to sleep.  shhh  close your eyes

lalalalala...I didn't hear that

3:50 a.m.:  Is that the heater coming on? You have a fireplace, but you're running gas heat?  Nice.  That's going to be expensive.  Is the fire going too?  Did you stoke it before bed?  Are you too hot yet?  Too cold?  You should check the thermostat, or the fire.  If the door's closed, you'll be too cold.

I'm really hungry, too.  You can't sleep when you're hungry.  Hey, how's that diet coming?  You should go get on the scale, but you know what...I don't think the swimming's helping, since you've GAINED WEIGHT since you started swimming.  That really sucks. And you never even use the exercise bike that's right upstairs.  What is your problem??  You could go work out right now, but you're not that dedicated, are you?

I'm starting to think of this voice as possibly the actual devil.  The one you meet at the crossroads of 3 a.m. and nothing'swrongwithmyhealthormyfamily.

4:18 a.m.: Don't look at the clock.  Do NOT.  Don't.  Oh, look, it's getting light out.  I think I hear the rooster.  What the actual heck?  Why is he crowing when it's still dark?
You awake yet? Because I can do this ALL DAY.
4: 20 am.:  Why even bother trying to sleep? You should probably just get up.  Or, you could sleep for like 2.5 hours, if you go to sleep right.this.minute, and then wake up feeling like someone threw you under a bus.  That's a fun option.  So, go to      NOW.   You asleep yet?  Wow.  Look at Shane.  He's been asleep since 8:40.  That's like...(do the math) 8 hours.  He's gotten 8 HOURS MORE sleep than you tonight.  No wonder you're no fun during the day.  Are you crying?

Just forget the sleep thing and get up and go work on a new budget.  Who knows, maybe your finances have improved since the close of yesterday's banking day. Or maybe you won the lottery overnight, and you don't know it yet.  Of course, the banks are probably already open, back east, so...yeah.  Things could be better!  Or worse.  But you won't know unless you get up, right?

Yep, still $0.

Sometimes, if I catch this cycle soon enough (like at 1 a.m.), I'll just take a Tylenol PM or a shot of vodka (or both, don't judge), and somehow that seems to break the cycle, and I'll stay asleep.  If I take two, though, I'm pretty much unconscious at 7:25 and can only mumble in my pillow to Shane, "take her to school pleze" but it comes out sounding like, "mmmfffhooolplz". He knows what it means though, and because he is my angel of mercy, he drives her to school, lets the cats out, and leaves me to sleep, bless him.

That was my day, the last two days.  How was yours?  Any suggestions?  I'm open to pretty much anything today; my eye is twitching, and I slept about 3.5 hours, from 4-7:30.


  1. Thanks for the laugh. :) I have to be deeply, physically exhausted to fall asleep easily, and stay asleep. Even then it takes a noise maker and a sleep mask. Those two items make all the difference. It's gotten to where just the sound of the noise maker at any time of day can make me drowsy. My partner in crime relies on melatonin.

  2. Glad you laughed! I haven't tried melatonin, but I'm considering it. I do well with ear plugs, because once I'm asleep, noise doesn't matter, but FALLING ASLEEP?--any little noise feels like a foghorn in my ear.

    Aside from the earplugs, I'm just at a loss as to the fall-asleep-then-wake-back-up thing. Winning the lottery would possibly help, though...

  3. Mom here. Give Jes a call about this. While reading your post I realized it
    could have been written by either of you. When I used to find myself in the
    midst of "one of those nights" I would finally get up, grab a drink ir a mini
    snack, like a little portion cup of cinnamon apple sauce & head to the TV
    & put on a channel that has any kind of movie w/ no commercials & honker
    down. Usually would take under 15 mins & I would be out for the duration.
    Now things are easier as there are TVs in the bdrms. Oh yeah.

    1. I will call him...

      I can't sleep with noise, but I usually do go out and get a snack and read til my eyes cross. Too bad that doesn't happen til like 2:20 a.m. though.

  4. I finally broke down and got ambien from my doctor. I couldn't take the sleepless nights anymore. I don't even care if it's habit forming. I'll worry about that later....

    Here's hoping you get some sleep tonite, sister. ...

    1. I hear ya. After a point, it's like whatever, man.

      I just slept away most of a sunny afternoon. Pleh

  5. My husband uses Melatonin too to help him sleep. He tried some of the scrip stuff, but didn't like the way it felt. Also, if you're trying to exercise and find yourself to be a night person, try doing it about an hour before you want to sleep and see if it helps to tire you out enough.

    1. I'm a night person but not an exercise-night person, but melatonin and reading in bed are helping. Or I could just punch mySELF in the face, lol.