Monday, August 3, 2015

Great. MORE THINGS to Cut Out of My Diet

I'm getting ready to go see a hormonal specialist doctor in the near future, because here's the situation.

Aside from the fact that I've been unsuccessfully fighting the same 30 pounds for about 10 years, I've been repeatedly told I "should get my thyroid checked", and I have like 9 of the 10 symptoms of hypothyroidism.

I have ranted about this before, but it's not helping, so here I go again.  I'm getting really tired of this.  I'm not used to losing the fights I fight.  When I set my mind to something, I ALWAYS accomplish it, so why the heck is this not working?  And, how does my weight continues to go UP?



maybe I'll just TAPE THIS OVER MY MOUTH


My weight problems started after taking the diet craze pill called Metabolife (the original, really bad for you formula) way back in the mid-late 1990s, when I didn't actually HAVE a weight problem.  So, I'm not even sure why I tried it, because at that time, I had always maintained the same weight.  I bounced back easily after two pregnancies (where I gained 48 and 54 pounds respectively).  I liked my body then.  It was beautiful and curvy at a healthy 128-135 pounds.  It actually stopped traffic once in a terrific dress that I'll always keep as a reminder, though in those days, I always thought it could be better.  Just...why.

Back then, I could eat anything I wanted, within reason, and my weight would maintain.  Gain a few pounds, oops...cut back here and there over a few days and tah-dah--back where I need to be.  I never worked out.  I never dieted.  There's no history of obesity in our family, and don't give me that "well...it's just our AGE" crap.  This is not normal.

Fast forward to about 2004, when a year had gone by where we didn't have a scale.  I went in for a physical (that was also...ahem..my last physical, but I digress), and found I'd gained 20 pounds.  I about FELL OFF the scale.

No.  That can't be possible, doc.  Move that slide-y thing back.  Back.  BaaaaaaccccckkkkKK.

aaaiiiieeeeeeee  

Let me try it with my shoes off??

So, I bought a scale and decided to get a handle on whatever had happened to my body.

The End.

No THAT IS NOT THE END BECAUSE WHY WOULD IT BE THAT EASY?

Ever since then, I have fought my weight.  I've cut various things out of my diet.  I have swum laps for hours and gone to the gym (ok, yes, sporadically, but as often as 6 days a week without weight loss...really???  That'll make you DEFINITELY QUIT GOING TO THE GYM ).  I bought an exercise bike and rode it to the moon and back, with no result.  Did Pilates.  Jumping jacks.  Run up the stairs and back down.  I have taken herbal supplements and multivitamins.  Tried to be like my Mom--read Back to Eden and stocked up on vegetarian cookbooks.  I have counted calories and done online help-me-lose-weight apps. I have been drinking hot water with lemon and honey in the morning forEVER.  I tried acai berry and apple cider vinegar.  I have cut processed foods, fast foods, GMO's, coffee, and all my beloved carbs.  I never eat any of the desserts I bake (if I bake at all anymore). I have gone on a more or less plant-based, whole-food diet, all organic.  Heck, I hardly ever even eat HOT food any more...Raw cucumbers or fruit again? YES because who doesn't love raw cucumbers every damn day?  We sort of tried to go a little bit vegan.  I work outside in the garden in the summer, EVERY DAY FOR 1-4 HOURS A DAY.  EVERY DAY.

EVERY.  DAY.

Did I mention, every day?

I keep gaining weight.

What. The. Hell.

Oh sure, I'll lose a few pounds here and there, but as soon as I let up the relentless pressure of eating almost nothing and cutting out ALL THINGS THAT I LOVE, my weight floats up just as relentlessly.

Here's my life in a nutshell:  (yes...apparently I *can* have nuts, hahaHAHAAA  *weeps*)

Consume more than 1200-1500 calories in a day? = weight gain.

Any wheat products (even whole grain)? = weight gain (like 7 pounds in 3 days on vacation!! what the actual?)

Any processed carbs, even brown rice flour pasta or gluten-free vegan bagels? = weight gain.

Coffee with cream and sugar in the morning? = weight gain.

Other random things that aren't helping:

Alcohol.  Sugar.  Dairy (noooo, don't take my cheese and yogurt.  It's my last joy).

If I limit the above three things and cut OUT the former carbs/wheat/coffee stuff...my weight will stay relatively the same, albeit 30 POUNDS HEAVIER THAN I SHOULD BE.  Oh sure, it will drift down a pound or two here and there, but if I let up for even a day...it goes right back UP and we reset the clock and start ALL OVER.

So, to maintain, here's what I CAN have, based on my totally nonprofessional findings:

FRUIT
VEGETABLES
MEAT
WATER

Yeah.  This is AWESOME.
I know, it LOOKS pretty.  But it's not that cool when it's ALL YOU CAN EAT.
*scowls*

So.  I'm getting started with some labwork as soon as possible, as well as the long-overdue physical, also partly because "you're not getting any younger" is one of the recurring themes when I can't sleep and my brain starts reminding me of cool stuff to not forget about at 2:45 a.m., or lists I should be making.

Part of me hopes it will turn out be something like my thyroid, and not that I have just epically failed at something that should NOT be impossible.  The other part of me will be really pissed if I've just wasted 10 years being 30 pounds overweight because of a hormone imbalance.


Sorry to go OFF, but I'm just so really totally sick of busting my butt (apparently *not enough*), eating nothing I enjoy, and getting on the scale to see the number has gone...UP.   again.

*sigh*


Somebody tell me I'm not a fat, epic failure today...I really need it.




6 comments:

  1. Medical mysteries are no fun. (I have devoted several years mostly unsuccessfully to solving a few in my family.) If your figure was proportional to the effort you have given to healthy eating and exercise, you would have the body of your dreams! You are a wonderful success in every way, especially how you have cared for yourself -- don't let your body's inexplicable stubborn refusal to lose weight tell you anything different! I will pray that the doctor will get to the source of the problem quickly (and cheaply)!

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    1. I know!! If I put this much effort into my old body, I'd have lost so much weight by now I would be invisible. Very frustrating to have to keep cutting out one thing after another until I'm left with pretty much just vegetables and fruit. And popcorn. I'm not giving up popcorn.

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  2. You are NOT a fat epic failure.

    I actually do have thyroid issues and yes...we sound the same. I have to fight hard to maintain the chunky figure I have. In order to lose weight, I have to cut out most carbs and work out like a fiend. I do not have the time or energy for that anymore.

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    1. I hear you. Here's an example of my life right now--yesterdayI had:

      water with honey and lemon
      chai tea
      several peaches (because I was in the kitchen canning them all day)
      a giant tomato with mozarella for dinner
      a Mike's hard lemonade
      bowl of airpopped popcorn with half butter/half coconut oil

      Today I weigh more than I did yesterday. or the day before.

      *whatever*

      I'm REALLY looking forward to getting a thyroid check, because days like yesterday just make me want to cry.

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  3. You're not fat. I have a major (doctor diagnosed) thyroid issue. If it is your thyroid, once you get your meds, you'll feel better and the weight will come off.

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    1. I hope so, because there aren't too many more things I can cut OUT unless I call a hunger strike. :/

      I have an appointment for the 20th, so we'll see what's what. I just want to feel like my body's not defying me every day.

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